1. a social division in a traditional society consisting of families or communities linked by social, economic, religious, or blood ties, with a common culture and dialect, typically having a recognized leader.

We are looking for like-minded friends or a group of people that share common ties. Seems easy right? That’s easy for many women out there, but today I am speaking to those of us that it doesn’t come quickly or easily. The moms that showed up to a few playdates and nobody approached you, so you stopped going. The moms who feel like they can’t find anyone that they authentically connect with because your situation is so unique. Or the moms that struggle with getting out there and trying to “make friends” and “be social.” I have talked about this area before and the importance of modeling good social behavior in front of our kids. I wasn’t “taught” how to make friends, and I suffered as I went through some periods of my life because those are invaluable skills.

So what do you do if you can’t find your tribe?

• Stop Stressing Over the Hype! Your “tribe” can be 1, 2, or 3 wonderful women, period! It’s not necessary you immediately find, or have a large group of women you call friends. Wouldn’t you appreciate one wonderful friend over ten superficial friends?
• Don’t count people out! As a homeschool group leader, I see moms quickly friend other moms with kids the same age, or the moms are the same age, or whatever similarity they find common ground over. But leave yourself open to the options of friending moms in various life stages, and we mentor each other or glean from one another. So often we overlook the unlikely friend, and those can sometimes be the exact person God is sending you!
• Take Your Time! It takes me a long time to get to know someone or trust them in the sense that I consider them my close friend. We are each designed differently, it’s ok if you don’t connect with people after the 1st or 2nd meeting. My closest and most trusted friends are the ones that took the time to get to know me, even if that meant it was slow to develop our friendship. That makes me treasure them for taking the time.
• Get out there! God designed us for community, and we do have a responsibility to model good social skills for our kiddos. So make yourself get out there, we need to make an effort to plug in, even if you start small.
• Keep trying! As a homeschool group leader I witnessed so many moms show up to one playdate or event and if they didn’t make an immediate connection or their kids didn’t make instant friends they just never came back. It takes time for people to connect, there is hype in that this tribe will fall in your lap. Not so. For most of us, it requires some effort.
• SMILE! Have you ever gone on a field trip or playdate and smiled at a fellow mom to not have her return the smile? Silly! A smile goes a long way moms, why wouldn’t we be friendly to one another? We can do better than that.
• PRAY! This tip is my favorite and most important tip! I prayed and still do, on my way to any event that requires me to be social and interact with others. I am not a natural social butterfly. Honestly, I used to suffer from anxiety and would try to get out of events to avoid interacting. Then I began forcing myself to go, push past those fears and pray that God uses me as a tool. I pray that God sends me the right people to meet, and uses me in whatever way he can. I immediately started making connections, some small and some are my best friends to this day.